I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
