"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
