he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
