i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Found your dick twin last night
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize