So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
