I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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