just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
