someone owes me an orgasm
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
