home. puking in laundry basket.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
