The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
