im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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