We're like a lot better than the average bears
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
