be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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