we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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