The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
