My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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