is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
