Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
i think i just lost a toe
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
