hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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