I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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