i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize