i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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