turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
