chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Who died my cat blue again?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
