i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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