This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Found your dick twin last night
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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