You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
