And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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