i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
