if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
