Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You can't motorboat a personality
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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