I didn't shave. On purpose
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
