Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
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I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
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He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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