Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We need a shit load of segways right now
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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