Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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