Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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