alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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