we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
