you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
