JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
