Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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