It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
