dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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