everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
