You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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