i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
