Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
