I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
