There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
