Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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