I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
