OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
