Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
