The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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