end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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