So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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