I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
