So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
