im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
