Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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