You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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