What a fucking waste of an outfit
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
