I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
