Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
