420 ftw
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
