he wants to bone in the snuggie
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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