I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
